Things just aren't the same. I feel like someone has sneaked into my room while i was asleep and tampered with my brain. I cant control my thoughts anymore. the world has turned itself upside down and I'm trying my best to live my life as if nothing has happened. but the truth is everything is different. the way i perceive everything is different. all i have is an unending list of questions crammed in my head. the more i think about them the more lost i feel. so i try not to think. it never lasts long. so i go to my bible. more questions. i go to God. more questions. i feel so helpless. all i want is the truth. clarity. peace. there was a time when i believed in something because it made me feel amazing. it made me a better person. it gave me purpose in life. but that is wrong. that's not really believing is it? i don't think so. to really believe in something it has to make sense right? it has to be a reasonable faith. It must be logical. this brings up a great predicament for me because i WANT to believe in something that doesn't fully make sense to me anymore. this is irrational. i know God never intended for us to understand everything but i feel at times i don't understand enough to rationally believe. its foolish to follow something blindly right? in my soul i think i do believe that Jesus is the Messiah but i want to know why i believe that. i need things to start making sense. i need help. i need answers. i can't rely on how i'm feeling anymore. i need something i can understand.