Things just aren't the same. I feel like someone has sneaked into my room while i was asleep and tampered with my brain. I cant control my thoughts anymore. the world has turned itself upside down and I'm trying my best to live my life as if nothing has happened. but the truth is everything is different. the way i perceive everything is different. all i have is an unending list of questions crammed in my head. the more i think about them the more lost i feel. so i try not to think. it never lasts long. so i go to my bible. more questions. i go to God. more questions. i feel so helpless. all i want is the truth. clarity. peace. there was a time when i believed in something because it made me feel amazing. it made me a better person. it gave me purpose in life. but that is wrong. that's not really believing is it? i don't think so. to really believe in something it has to make sense right? it has to be a reasonable faith. It must be logical. this brings up a great predicament for me because i WANT to believe in something that doesn't fully make sense to me anymore. this is irrational. i know God never intended for us to understand everything but i feel at times i don't understand enough to rationally believe. its foolish to follow something blindly right? in my soul i think i do believe that Jesus is the Messiah but i want to know why i believe that. i need things to start making sense. i need help. i need answers. i can't rely on how i'm feeling anymore. i need something i can understand.

WAZZZZAP. I know, it's been awhile but i'm back. Here's what I've been up to!

-working my ASS of with Vertical Ambition (driving 2Xs a week to Detroit to practice, doing shows and getting ready for battle season).

-living by myself on campus at EMU, doing homework nonstop (even though i only have 13 creds) and basically being a loner all day long because there's no time to socialize.

-starting back up with my dominican republic small group and going to Mosaic Church when i can on Sundays.

-visiting my loves all across Michigan (my peeps in Royal Oak, East Lansing and Grand Rapids) and soon Chicago

-reading tons of books before i go to bed and going through the gospels.

life isnt that exciting at the moment but i'm just trying to grow spiritually while i finish up this whole college thing and move on to what God has in store next.

i have to go study now...

There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. I John 4:18

the devil is alive, i feel him breathin

did you know that there are over 15,000 neo-nazis in america today? to think in the 21st century that there are people out there who actually believe that their aryan blood is superior. there are people in our country who believe jews are plotting to breed whites out of existence. people who are more than willing to use violence in order for a white society to exist. people who burn Anne Frank books in the name of christianity.

while a small minority of american neo-nazis draw public attention, most operate underground, so they can recruit, organize and raise funds without interference or harassment. prisons house many white supremacists and neo-nazi prison gangs, and often white prisoners join those gangs for protection. those neo-nazi groups that do operate more publicly use stage protests and rallies that spread fear throughout the community. i saw a clip of one in washington outside the white house. anti neo nazis were using pepperspray, they were giving the neo-nazis the finger and cursing their heads off at them. they wore bandannas over their mouths. one explained that the neo nazis dressed to intimidate so they should too. 4 protesters of the rally were taken under arrest for attacking neo-nazis.

hate fighting hate

it's so heartbreaking for me to see that we have not learned anything from dr. king.

"darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that. the beauty of nonviolence is that in its own way and in its own time it seeks to break the chain reaction of evil."

recentley a man, dr. george tiller, who remained one of the nation's few providers of late-term abortions through decades of protests and attacks, was shot and killed in a church where he was serving as an usher and his wife was in the choir.

violence cannot condem violence. Jesus taught us to pray for our enemies but does anyone do that today? have we forgotten all that our nation's history holds?

"he who lives by the sword will die by the sword." Jesus

it is our job to LOVE and EDUCATE those who have been mislead.

meet my fave

VA and Lunchbox Jams

my life and thoughts as of late

so i'm working at kerby's koney island this summer with my love natalie. it's a good solid job and can even be fun at times, the pay isnt great, but hell i'll take it. moving back home has been a really long process. my room is a wreck and therefore i am unable to get anything done it seems. i plan on taking some summer classes at Eastern later on and going to Jamaica in august, dancing a ton, getting a gym membership and yadda yadda yadda. to be completely honest with myself i'm not sure if i should be disappointed with where i'm at or not. i know this kind of mundane life is to be expected until i'm finished with college but it still aggravates me. i just want it all to be over ith so i can move on with my life and do something worth living for. i want to help people NOW. i want to travel and advocate and pour all of me into something that impacts the world. i want to make big differences in people's lives...it just seems so far off, and it makes me nervous that i might be getting comfortable with where i'm at. like i'll never get my plans moving. it'll just turn into something so trivial like helping out at soup kitchens once a month when i'm forty. that's not what i want. i want bigger.

and in a lot of little ways i can feel God preparing me for my future. Like when i go spend my parents money lavishly or get crazy drunk at a party there's always this little moment where i recognize the fact that my life won't be anything like this in a little while. these days of me living this way, being this incredibly comfortable, are numbered. i can just feel that the life i have always lived is nothing like the future God has planned for me. i can't rely on my parents my whole life. i can't live to satisfy my own desires forever. i guess it's time i got the ball rolling even though i'm stuck in college for a bit longer. i need to stop using it as an excuse. i feel like a lot of people my age do that and i don't want to be apart of that anymore.

thankfully my God is patient. He will lead and counsel me through all of this.

I remember way back way back when i said i never wanna see your face again. Cause you were loving yes you were loving somebody else. And i knew oh yes i knew i couldn’t control myself and now they bring you back into my life again. And so i put on a face just like your friends but i think you know oh yes you know whats going on cause the feelings in me oh yes in me are burning strong

But I will never be your stepping stone. Take it all or leave me alone. I will never be your stepping stone. I’m standing upright on my own

You still call me up from time to time and it would be so hard for me not to cross the line. The words of love lay on my lips just like a curse. And i knew oh yes i knew they’d only make it worse. And now you have the nerve to play along just like the mistro beats in your song. You got your kicks you get your kicks from playing me. And the less you give the more i want so foolishly. But i will never be your stepping stone. Take it all or leave me alone. I will never be your stepping stone. I’m standing upright on my own…

PostSecret

last breath.

i've been over this again and again and again. so why does it seem like the first time all over? why does it feel like the pain is getting worse? alright my heart cannot take this anymore. i have wasted too much time, cried too many tears and yet still have not learned my lesson. my heart is so tired of hiding i don't think it has the strength it takes to beat any longer. ive been playing this sick game for far too long. i dont care if it's justifiable, i want to end this facade. i want my heart on the table even if it doesnt give me the reaction i want. even if i stutter clumsily and make a fool of myself. it would be better this.

and even if by some flat out miracle i said the right words and got the desired reaction...i know in my heart my glee would only be temporary. this is a lose, lose situation for me. and that's the damn truth.

song of the day-tomorrow never knows (the beatles)

To Zion

So I've been getting back to The Miseducation of Lauren Hill (which is probably my favorite female vocalist album of all time). It's sensational. Anyway I was listening to the lyrics of "Doo Wop" and I decided I wanted to share them cause I find myself thinking the same things all the time but more precisley wanting to tell people around me these things. I love her words here. They're raw and genuine.

Girls you know you betta watch out

Some guys, some guys are only about

That thing, that thing, that thing

That thing, that thing, that thing

It's been three weeks since you were looking for your friend

The one you let hit it and never called you again

'Member when he told you he was bout da benjamins

You act like you ain't hear him but give up a little trim

To begin how you think you really gon' pretend

Like you wasn't down and you called him again

Plus when you give it up so easy you ain't even foolin' him

If you did it then you'd probably fuck again

Talkin' out cha neck like you a Christain

A Muslim sleepin' wit da gin

Now that was the sin that did Jezebell in

Who you gon' tell when the reprecussion spin?

Showin' off your ass cause your thinkin' it's a trend

Girlfriend, let me break it down for you again

You know I only say it cause i'm truly genuine

Don't be a hard rock when you really are a gem

Baby girl the respect is just the minimum

Nigga creepin' when you still defendin' him

Now Lauryn is only human

Don't think I haven't been through the same predicament

Let it sit inside your head like a million women

It's silly when girls sell their souls cause it's in

Look at where you been, hair weaves like Europeans

Fake nails up out da benz

Come again

When when come again

When when come again

Guys you know you betta watch out

Some girls, some girls are only about

That thing, that thing, that thing

That thing, that thing, that thing

The second verse is dedicated to the men

Who are concerned wit his rims & his tims & his women

Him and his men come in the club like hooligans

Don't care who date ya friend .........

Let's stop pretend the one that pissed out by they waste men

crystal by the case men. still the name of this basement

Mr. pretty face men claiming that they did a big me

Need to take care of their three and four kids

But they facing court case when the child support place

Money takin' and heart break,

Now you wonderin' why women hate men

And to speak of silent men, the punk domestic violence men

Quick to shoot the semen, stop actin' like boys and be men

How you gon' win when you ain't right within

How you gon' win when you ain't right within

How you gon' win when you ain't right within

Uh Uh Come Again!

Watch out, watch out

Watch out, watch out

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dE6Qcc6VDo8

I can identify with these words so much. For me this song is a protest against the way my generation is choosing to live. somewhere along line people lost respect for themselves and other people. they lowered their standards. They compromised themselves in the name of freedom and feminism. sometimes i feel like i'm the only one who sees how royally screwed up we are. we are the scum of the earth who think we are on top of the world......I wish there was more media like this out there to show people how their life choices are so far from the beauty that God intended. We are God's beloved. It's time I start reminding people of that. I want to start getting the word out on what being a real woman is. A woman who loves and respects herself is a real woman. a woman who has high standards, who works hard and gives for a good cause. A woman who would take truth over attention.

whawhawhawhawhat?

GAH! Red Cedar Ransom was incredible. I am so in love with this new dance form(for me) that I can't even begin to describe this feeling. All I can say is that God has blessed me beyond belief.

Oh and shout out to Blakey! Woot Woot!!! Love you man.

all i can say is that there are times i don't know if i will ever get over my foolishness. i'm sick of making the same mistakes and then crawling back on my hands and knees to my Abba. i so desperately want to stop this selfish, sick game i play. when will i be able to overcome myself?

"i am so easily satisfied with the call of lovers so less wild."

i can watch the sunset on my own

i guess i'm one of those friends who never has a significant other. it's always been this way and it's okay now that i am so much more mature. in high school i remember praying for a boyfriend. i wanted one more than anything else in the whole world. in my heart i believed that i'd only be happy if a boy loved me. it tortured me to see my friends with their boyfriends, it was almost physically painful. i look back on that and am so grateful i wised up. i was yearning for love and approval from the wrong source. that's when i got in a terrible relationship. it makes me sick to think about it. it saddens me that i had to royally screw up before realizing what is right but i am thankful that today i have my head screwed on properly. at this point in my life i feel so different. i am constantly changing, thinking, feeling, growing, realizing...and i almost feel like anything romantic is the least beneficial thing i could be doing at this point. i want to discover what God wants for me. yeah, maybe an awesome guy could be a great partner in figuring that out but i just don't feel like that's good thinking. at least for me. i feel like i'm in a time of my life where i need to figure things out by myself.

also....i feel like i'm that piece in a huge puzzle that doesn't seem to match any others pieces. not that i think i'm the shit but that i don't think ive ever met someone truly like me. it's hard to explain. it's just that i feel like there are so many parts of me, so many personalities, opinions...hell even paradoxes in me that i couldn't POSSIBLY be ONE person. i'm such a chameleon. if i'm around my family i'm one person, if i'm around my dance friends i'm another....high school friends, class friends....even when i'm by myself i can be so different from one moment to the next and the weird thing is that all those versions of me ARE the real me. how am i supposed to find someone who can agree to be with the huge mess i am? ha only God knows. all i can say is that i'm happy right now being single and loving God. All I need are friends and family. but i'm still ever so curious and excited to meet my other puzzle piece.

omegle.com is amazing

Connecting to server...
Looking for someone you can chat with. Hang on.
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: omfg
Stranger: im pregnant
You: me tooo!!!!!
Stranger: no way
You: its your baby!
Stranger: i thought he pulled out
Stranger: OHMYGOD
Stranger: NO WAY
You: i KNEW youd act like this
You: TYPICAL
Stranger: i cant have a kid now
Stranger: im not mature enought
Stranger: enough*
You: well then you shouldve pulled out
Stranger: and by mature, i mean i have to have more sex
Stranger: with strangers
You: dear GOD this is wierd
You: you were my first
Stranger: i popped your cherry?
Stranger: this is awkward
You: and by that i mean you popped my omegle.com cherry
You: so yes
Stranger: im so sorry
You: i mean......
Stranger: i thought you werent a omegle virgin
Stranger: im just ugh
Stranger: idkkk
Stranger: idk
Stranger: what am i supposed to tell my parents
You: hahah
You: well tell them hand in hand
You: dont worry
Stranger: i bet its not mine
You: oh so now ima omegle.com whore
You: thankssssssss
Stranger: i think so
Stranger: maybe you shouldnt have spread those omegle legs
You: you have no such evidence
Stranger: what about those strangers you talk to?
You: of what my legs do
Stranger: HMM?!
You: said the stranger............
You: BOO YAAAAA
Stranger: oh so now you DONT know me?
You: listen, it says stranger as your name
Stranger: idk idk
Stranger: now youve become a stranger to me
You: that was a slap to the omegle face
You: i just said "stranger" as a nickname of sorts
Stranger: no no no
Stranger: its fine
Stranger: obviously being the one who fertilized this omegle baby
Stranger: doesnt count
You: thats not as catchy as stranger
You: i bet youre the omegle whore anyway
You: you sound like youve been around the block
Stranger: so now im a whore?
Stranger: ima appalled
You: YOU SHUT YOUR WHORE MOUTH
You: .......................jk
You: ill just call you baby daddy
Stranger: YOU SHUT THOSE LEGS OMEGLE WHORE
Stranger: lmfao
Stranger: baby mommy
Stranger: ugh
You: where you from
Stranger: cali
Stranger: son
You: wow this is gonna be a long distance relationship
You: as long as i get my child support!
Stranger: who said you were gonna keep it?
You: who said you could tell me what to do?
You: SON.
Stranger: um obviously
Stranger: im paying for this bastard child
You: im BARING this bastard child
You: bearing??
You: whatevs
Stranger: so?
You: so youre gonna have to financially suffer
You: cause i will physically suffer
You: its the way it works home boy
Stranger: you know what
Stranger: i NEVER touched you
Stranger: ever
You: thats it im taking it to maury
You: "you ARE the father"
Stranger: lmfao
Stranger: omg
Stranger: are you from ontd?
You: whats that
Stranger: ohhh...
Stranger: i DEFINITELY didnt touch you
You: ???????????????????
You: ????????????????

a picture of you on a perfect day

a picture of you in a time of your life that's over, and you are so thankful it is

a picture of you at a time in your life that's over but you wish it wasn't

a picture of you that makes you proud

a picture you actually really like of yourself

a picture of you showing off a new haircut

a picture of you with someone you admire and look up to

a picture of you incredibly sick/ a picture of you, you wish never existed

a picture of you meeting someone who can only bring joy and happiness to this world

a picture of you with a hangover

a picture of you at a time you don't want to remember

a picture of you being completely ridiculous in public

a picture of you when you were a different person from who you are now

a picture of you in complete contentment

a picture of you desperately trying to hide your braces

a picture of you that makes your heart hurt in the good way

a picture of you wanting to be anywhere else

save me

I need to get as far away from this as possible. Sometimes I just don't think the good ol' USA is for me... Oh Lord, I need a change.

not my kind of party

It bothers me when people dump all of the problems they find with Christianity in my lap and expect me to quickly sort them out. It bothers me even more that I don't have the answers I feel I should. The fact of the matter is that I'm not really passionate about discussing Constantine's involvement in the forming of the Canon or the abrupt difference between Jesus and Paul's teachings styles. I know these things are important. As a person of faith it's crucial to take a hard look at the history. It's just that sometimes I get so annoyed by people who take that stuff more seriously than the actual message. I dunno...

ma' sibz

I kinda like these people.

I've Got Nothin'

Still no new ideas for this summer. I'm just gonna trust that God will show me his will. I know that wherever i'll be, it'll be my decision to have a good attitude, to serve, to love and to glorify. I just wish I knew WHERE I should do those things. My semester is coming to a close and I still have no idea. God, please show me what to do and I will do it.

Game Plan

My days feel so monotonous and repetitive. Life has become something so incredibly boring that I feel like doing something rash. I'm sick of making the same list every day and slowly crossing things off. I'm sick of being discontent with my studies and my living situation, my sin struggles and the issues I have with friends. I want to break free from this life I've created for myself and start over. I'm a communications major and a french minor, I hate my major but I have to do it because my dad is paying for college and he wouldn't let me study something "useless" like history or philosophy or english(basically anything I'm interested in) so I'm stuck. I don't tell my parents I want to help people or maybe be a missionary some day because I know they'll disapprove. They want me to be well off like them and that's all that matters. I live with a girl who is nothing like me. yeah, she is kind, neat and polite. We don't fight or anything but we're not friends. She is not someone to confide in. Not a lot are. I have met very few people at eastern who actually get me. who share similar interests and have similar perspectives on life in general. I have close Christian friends but the majority of them live far from me. I say I am passionate about loving freely but my day to day life shows no sign of it. I live selfishly and foolishly. I say I'll help people tomorrow but then never do. i have such good intentions but rarely follow them through. I don't love God as much as i should. I have so many struggles with faith. I have so many questions about Christianity, I feel so unstable in my thinking and reasoning. I live my life like I know I'll live forever. I don't take each day seriously. I am wasting time. precious precious time. God, when did it get this bad? I want to follow your plan for my life but I just don't know how to carry that out in my day to day life. I want to be your disciple. I want to show my love for Christ in every action. I want to be bold and secure in my faith. I need to transition into the woman of God I so desperately want to be. I'm so sick of struggling. don't get me wrong. I love my life, my family, friends, God...i love myself. I am actually a very joyful person. it's just that even though I am content in many ways with my life and myself I still feel that I have not reached the potential my Creator intended. I need to be persist ant in growing each day into the woman of God I am destined to become. I don't know what God is calling me to do this summer but I hope I'll be smart enough to recognize what it is and bold enough to do it. A part of me says I should stay at home in Novi and get a job and take a couple classes. I need the money and the credit hours. but the other part of me believes God has something much wilder planned, that money and school shouldn't be my priority, that I need to trust God will take care of me. The only thing holding me back from that is that if say I go on a missions trip, my parents would be paying for me and I don't want to be dependant on them. At least when I don't have to be. So there's this struggle in my brain going on. Be responsible and independent? or do I devote myself more to the cause and trust that God will take care of me and in doing so sacrifice my independence. I just don't know what the right answer is. Can I get a witness?

Dope

Ever since i started breakdancing i've been having dreams of these babiez. Tell me which ones you like! cough cough natalie.

Passing Out On the Toilet Made You Feel So Alive

Where oh God is the righteous man? I want to think happy thoughts but it's impossible right now. Last night was terrible and eye-opening. I felt completely exposed to my generation and have come to the conclusion that we've all gone to shit. Everyone is full of greed, hatred, selfishness, lust...this was worse than the poverty stricken bahtas in the Dominican Republic. I could still see God working there...but here, people have forgotten God. They've actually stopped thinking. There is only drunken debauchery and bodily destruction. It makes me sick that i was apart of it. I don't want my life to be about this. Why can't intelligent people see that there is something greater to be had in life? God is not hiding as much as people think, it's just that no one seeks Him. I feel so alone in this place. I don't belong here.

Vertical Ambition

I'm so happy to have found this. I'm learning how to do flips and hand stands and crazy awesome tricks. I want to be good at this, and for the right reason this time.

Poison Apples and Sleeping Beuties....Go Fuck Yourself

"It's a fairytale," he said. My response? Silence then a half-heatedly thrown dirty look as I shut the door in his face. He didn't even notice. He was finishing his cigarette anyway. There is no understanding in his eyes and I doubt there will ever be. He is incapable of grasping the weight this "fairytale" has on me. A fairytale? I am at a loss and I don't know how to handle such cruel words. I'm not ashamed of my fragility. I know i'm right.

Finding Him in little hands

trust me.

Recently I've been searching and praying for understanding about a certain issue in my life. I've tried to come to a conclusion about what i think is right, if what i was getting into was "wrong." It came to the point where God told me to seek advice from a friend because i was so frustrated and confused that i was driving myself crazy. I explained everything to her point blank. the issue was that i KNEW what i was doing was wrong but i didnt understand WHY exaclty so out of frustration i kept on doing it. It's still a struggle for me to get that i cant grasp the understanding i want so badly, but i realized through the help of my friend that i'm going about it the wrong way. God doesnt give us understanding and then expects us to trust Him. He wants us to trust Him so He can give us understanding. I'm in the process of learning to trust God with what is right. I believe understanding will follow.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding"

finally woken

How can i describe something so indescribable? My trip to the dominican republic was an experience that has changed my life. My expectations were completely shattered by what God had planned for me. He has used me in ways i did not think possible. I can't believe how capable of good a person can be. Me a sinner, who has no right to do anything in God's holy name going out into the most godless places of the earth and shining my creator's light. That's the thing about my God. He uses our brokenness and transforms us into vessels of his spirit. Through our weakness there is strength!

I have learned so much from my trip but i guess to sum it all up i've decided(or realized) that Jesus controls my destiny. I want to live to spread and glorify my redeemer's name. How can i live this life for anyone else than the one that sacrificed himself for me? This sounds all Christianity 101 but i feel there is something deeper. I encountered God in DR. Now i yearn for him constantly. I need his presence like i need air, like i need blood pumping through my viens.

In Christ alone my hope is found
He is my light, my strength, my song
This Cornerstone, this solid ground
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm
What heights of love, what depths of peace
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease
My Comforter, my All in All
Here in the love of Christ I stand
In Christ alone, who took on flesh
Fullness of God in helpless babe
This gift of love and righteousness
Scorned by the ones He came to save
‘Til on that cross as Jesus died
The wrath of God was satisfied
For every sin on Him was laid
Here in the death of Christ I live
There in the ground His body lay
Light of the world by darkness slain
Then bursting forth in glorious day
Up from the grave He rose again
And as He stands in victory
Sin’s curse has lost its grip on me
For I am His and He is mine
Bought with the precious blood of Christ
No guilt of life, no fear in death
This is the power of Christ in me
From life’s first cry to final breath
Jesus commands my destiny
No power of hell, no scheme of man
Can ever pluck me from His hand
‘til He returns or calls me home
Here in the power of Christ I’ll stand

a spoonful weighs a ton

Here I come 80 degree weather! I just finished my last midterm and I can't stop smiling. I crave warm weather. It just makes me so happy. I can feel amazing things are going to happen on this missions trip. I can feel God preparing me for something bigger than myself, something I never thought I could do.

And though they were sad

They rescued everyone

They lifted up the sun

A spoonful weighs a ton

Giving more than they had

The process had begun

A million came from one

The limits now were none

Being drunk on their plan, they lifted up the sun

Forcing it off with their hands

The trapdoor came undone

Above our heads it swung

The privilege had been won

Being drunk on their plan, they lifted up the sun

Yelling as hard as they can

The doubters all were stunned

Heard louder than a gun
The sound they made was love
~Flaming Lips~

thrills

It's starting to sink in that i'll be in the Dominican Republic in just a few day. I can't wait to get to know my missions team but more importantly I can't wait to see what God is doing there. I can't imagine anything more exciting than being apart of God's will. Him moving. It's an excitement that's kinda ironically mixed with peace....because if God is with us, who can be against us? I'm so eager for understanding and I feel that i'm finally on the verge of finding it.

is this happening?

This whole blogging phenomenon is really strange to me. A part of me has no idea why i'm doing this but that's true for 95% of the things i do. What really spurred me into action is a relatively close friend of mine is pretty into blogging. I really had no idea how fantastic a writer she was until i read her blog. She was saying such beautifully vulnerable and truthful things. I was really touched and for the first time saw blogging at its potential. This wasn't some girl whining about her life in suburbia or trying to come off as really deep thinker; complete with 18th century philosophical references. This was an intelligent person trying to connect with others about things that matter. Things that were pulling on her heart. Things she knew other people must be dealing with. Because if you only blog about you and you don't try to find the connection in other people, what's the point to publishing it online? That's why the idea of blogging used to aggravate me. It's people talking about themselves as if everyone cared. just write in your diary! don't be so self centered! But my friend's blog was nothing like that. Through her words you can tell she is searching for something greater than herself and she shares her words of wisdom with her friends. that's not her talking about herself. it's more of a selfless blog that promotes people coming together and helping each other. That is why i am inspired to do the same. i'm not as good of a writer as she is but i hope to keep her blog as an example for mine. I feel like i have so many thoughts in me that sometimes i don't spend enough time really pondering them. This is an opportunity to share my thoughts with people who value them. I pray that my God blesses me with clarity through all of this. I trust He will.