Thursday, May 28, 2009



I remember way back way back when i said i never wanna see your face again. Cause you were loving yes you were loving somebody else. And i knew oh yes i knew i couldn’t control myself and now they bring you back into my life again. And so i put on a face just like your friends but i think you know oh yes you know whats going on cause the feelings in me oh yes in me are burning strong

But I will never be your stepping stone. Take it all or leave me alone. I will never be your stepping stone. I’m standing upright on my own

You still call me up from time to time and it would be so hard for me not to cross the line. The words of love lay on my lips just like a curse. And i knew oh yes i knew they’d only make it worse. And now you have the nerve to play along just like the mistro beats in your song. You got your kicks you get your kicks from playing me. And the less you give the more i want so foolishly. But i will never be your stepping stone. Take it all or leave me alone. I will never be your stepping stone. I’m standing upright on my own…

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Sunday, May 17, 2009

last breath.



i've been over this again and again and again. so why does it seem like the first time all over? why does it feel like the pain is getting worse? alright my heart cannot take this anymore. i have wasted too much time, cried too many tears and yet still have not learned my lesson. my heart is so tired of hiding i don't think it has the strength it takes to beat any longer. ive been playing this sick game for far too long. i dont care if it's justifiable, i want to end this facade. i want my heart on the table even if it doesnt give me the reaction i want. even if i stutter clumsily and make a fool of myself. it would be better this.


and even if by some flat out miracle i said the right words and got the desired reaction...i know in my heart my glee would only be temporary. this is a lose, lose situation for me. and that's the damn truth.


song of the day-tomorrow never knows (the beatles)

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

To Zion

So I've been getting back to The Miseducation of Lauren Hill (which is probably my favorite female vocalist album of all time). It's sensational. Anyway I was listening to the lyrics of "Doo Wop" and I decided I wanted to share them cause I find myself thinking the same things all the time but more precisley wanting to tell people around me these things. I love her words here. They're raw and genuine.

Girls you know you betta watch out
Some guys, some guys are only about
That thing, that thing, that thing
That thing, that thing, that thing
It's been three weeks since you were looking for your friend
The one you let hit it and never called you again
'Member when he told you he was bout da benjamins
You act like you ain't hear him but give up a little trim
To begin how you think you really gon' pretend
Like you wasn't down and you called him again
Plus when you give it up so easy you ain't even foolin' him
If you did it then you'd probably fuck again
Talkin' out cha neck like you a Christain
A Muslim sleepin' wit da gin
Now that was the sin that did Jezebell in
Who you gon' tell when the reprecussion spin?
Showin' off your ass cause your thinkin' it's a trend
Girlfriend, let me break it down for you again
You know I only say it cause i'm truly genuine
Don't be a hard rock when you really are a gem
Baby girl the respect is just the minimum
Nigga creepin' when you still defendin' him
Now Lauryn is only human
Don't think I haven't been through the same predicament
Let it sit inside your head like a million women
It's silly when girls sell their souls cause it's in
Look at where you been, hair weaves like Europeans
Fake nails up out da benz
Come again
When when come again
When when come again
Guys you know you betta watch out
Some girls, some girls are only about
That thing, that thing, that thing
That thing, that thing, that thing
The second verse is dedicated to the men
Who are concerned wit his rims & his tims & his women
Him and his men come in the club like hooligans
Don't care who date ya friend .........
Let's stop pretend the one that pissed out by they waste men
crystal by the case men. still the name of this basement
Mr. pretty face men claiming that they did a big me
Need to take care of their three and four kids
But they facing court case when the child support place
Money takin' and heart break,
Now you wonderin' why women hate men
And to speak of silent men, the punk domestic violence men
Quick to shoot the semen, stop actin' like boys and be men
How you gon' win when you ain't right within
How you gon' win when you ain't right within
How you gon' win when you ain't right within
Uh Uh Come Again!
Watch out, watch out
Watch out, watch out

I can identify with these words so much. For me this song is a protest against the way my generation is choosing to live. somewhere along line people lost respect for themselves and other people. they lowered their standards. They compromised themselves in the name of freedom and feminism. sometimes i feel like i'm the only one who sees how royally screwed up we are. we are the scum of the earth who think we are on top of the world......I wish there was more media like this out there to show people how their life choices are so far from the beauty that God intended. We are God's beloved. It's time I start reminding people of that. I want to start getting the word out on what being a real woman is. A woman who loves and respects herself is a real woman. a woman who has high standards, who works hard and gives for a good cause. A woman who would take truth over attention.