my life and thoughts as of late

so i'm working at kerby's koney island this summer with my love natalie. it's a good solid job and can even be fun at times, the pay isnt great, but hell i'll take it. moving back home has been a really long process. my room is a wreck and therefore i am unable to get anything done it seems. i plan on taking some summer classes at Eastern later on and going to Jamaica in august, dancing a ton, getting a gym membership and yadda yadda yadda. to be completely honest with myself i'm not sure if i should be disappointed with where i'm at or not. i know this kind of mundane life is to be expected until i'm finished with college but it still aggravates me. i just want it all to be over ith so i can move on with my life and do something worth living for. i want to help people NOW. i want to travel and advocate and pour all of me into something that impacts the world. i want to make big differences in people's lives...it just seems so far off, and it makes me nervous that i might be getting comfortable with where i'm at. like i'll never get my plans moving. it'll just turn into something so trivial like helping out at soup kitchens once a month when i'm forty. that's not what i want. i want bigger.

and in a lot of little ways i can feel God preparing me for my future. Like when i go spend my parents money lavishly or get crazy drunk at a party there's always this little moment where i recognize the fact that my life won't be anything like this in a little while. these days of me living this way, being this incredibly comfortable, are numbered. i can just feel that the life i have always lived is nothing like the future God has planned for me. i can't rely on my parents my whole life. i can't live to satisfy my own desires forever. i guess it's time i got the ball rolling even though i'm stuck in college for a bit longer. i need to stop using it as an excuse. i feel like a lot of people my age do that and i don't want to be apart of that anymore.

thankfully my God is patient. He will lead and counsel me through all of this.